Coaching conversations are a lot like having a conversation with that one friend who “just gets you.” The one you go to when you really need and want to be heard. It’s a lot like that, except that a coaching conversation has a structure. It has elements at play that are designed to give you the space to breathe into and be thoughtful about the issue you’re bringing to the table, help you strategize your unique way of navigating it, and help you find the motivation to act on your strategy—all while deepening the relationship with yourself. Sometimes the issue is simple, like, “I’m a little overwhelmed by this task, and I want to break it down into small, actionable steps.” Other times, it’s as complicated as “My last child is going to college and I’m afraid of this ‘new normal,’” or, “I don’t know how to handle conflict, I just get angry and shut down,” or “I got my test results back, and I need to make changes, but I feel like I just can’t.”

Coaching can help in all these scenarios because of the ingredients in the coaching conversation such as deep listening, reflecting for accurate understanding and connection, open-ended questions, and, when you are ready, planning next steps that feel good and feel doable. Sometimes coaching conversations are profoundly impactful, and sometimes they assist you in moving the needle incrementally forward toward your goals over time.

YES! I know you expected me to say that, but from experience, yes, coaching does really work. As I mention in the “About” page, I too have a coach. To get the most out of coaching, the coach-client relationship must be strong, and the client must be committed to the process. Here are some resources regarding the efficacy of coaching:

Article from Psychology Today

National Institute of Health Article/Study

Forbes Article

“Want to Get Great at Something? Get a Coach.” TED talk, Dr. Atul Gawande

Finding the right coach is personal. Do you like them? Meaning: Do you find it easy to be open with them? Do you appreciate the way they communicate—does it resonate with you? Do they have the right “vibe,” and do you have the right “vibe” together? It may be helpful to list out any specific criteria that are important to you.

The must-haves in a coaching relationship center around honesty and respect. You want it to be easy to be forthcoming about the applicable details of your life, even if you have a lot of self-judgement or have dealt with a lot of judgement from your family, friends, or peers. You want to know and feel that your coach is able to be honest with you about whatever they’re picking up on and that they listen to you devoid of judgement. It is the mutual honesty and respect in the relationship that will foster the deepest growth.

…Which is also true for any relationship.

It’s possible that you are not looking for a coach—it may be that you are looking for a consultant. If you are not looking for consulting expertise, then you should know that coaching is designed to help you discover what is right for you—and this discovery is of far greater value than anything anyone could tell you to do, because it is tailored to your uniqueness and values, and you know your unique situation and values best. Much of the time, when we ask for advice, what the other person offers us isn’t quite right, and we are disappointed. You may just be exhausted of having the problem—in which case, it may be just the right time to find a coach!

Therapy is often focused on what happened in the past, bringing understanding to it, helping to make sense of it, and healing from it. Therapy also provides diagnosis of and support for mental and emotional health conditions.

While pieces of the past do come up in coaching conversations (we all come from somewhere), coaching is focused on your present and on the creation of your future. It requires that you be willing to take steps toward the future you want.

Coaching works great alongside therapy! While many issues are better and more responsibly suited to therapy, coaching can accelerate your growth and accelerate changes you want to make. Coaching can deepen self-compassion, strengthen self-efficacy, and foster deeper, more mindful communication. It’s a very unique process.

I do coach children, and I love coaching children! If you are interested in speaking to me about coaching your child, I do require that at least one parent commit to their own private coaching session at least once a month for the duration of your child’s coaching engagement.

Coaching can be very beneficial for children. Coaching can assist in developing introspection, seeing things from another’s point of view, and managing emotions. It can empower children to use their voice in a constructive way with parents, teachers, and peers. Coaching can help children learn that they are not responsible for others’ emotions or well-being, while learning that kindness is also important. Coaching can help children learn that our emotions don’t always match the way we think we should feel in a situation. Mindfulness coaching specifically can help develop the ability to stay centered, grounded, and focused when we need it most. The list surely goes on. These are all skills the new generation sorely needs, and any adult would be thankful to have developed.

Great question, I’m glad you asked it!

Kids, as I’m sure you are well aware, are so, so impressionable, soaking up things we think they aren’t even present to. The coaching relationship may be one of the first instances a child experiences this kind of conversation, being listened to in this specific way, where what they think is consistently the most important element. Types of questions I may ask your child: “What would it look like and feel like if this situation were better for you? What could you say to this person to try to make this situation different? What do you really want to say that you might not be saying? What do you think you’d like to do about this? When this happens, what kinds of things do you say to yourself (self-talk)? What if it’s okay to make mistakes? What are some mistakes you’ve learned from?”

Children mostly grow up being told what to do and have very little experience consciously accessing “wise mind.” In family systems, it’s important that the “coaching way” of communicating be consistently supported by a parental figure. With your additional, direct support, your child will grow exponentially, and your relationship with your child will deepen greatly. Your periodic coaching, will ensure that the coaching relationship is not the sole place your child is listened to in this way, which can create a certain kind of sadness or loneliness, and also a certain type of attachment to the coach when connection to the coach may not continue indefinitely. These things should be avoided for your child’s well-being. A side effect of your coaching is that it is very likely that you will grow too. What a gift to your child.

Because I love cats.

Oh good, you’re still reading! No, sorry, I love cats, but that is not why I coach.

I did not set out to be a coach. My sister is a mental health professional and one day she began talking to me about Motivational Interviewing and what she was accomplishing in her work with it as a communication modality. I thought it was remarkable how quickly someone could go from having very little motivation to stop smoking or take their prescription medication to feeling excited and fully motivated to take the first steps on an action plan they themselves devised! Sometimes in as little as 20 minutes! I was floored.

Up to that point, change was all reluctant effort in my life, as I worked against unhelpful impulses and used sheer will to move in the direction I wanted to go. It was exhausting and slow-going. To realize the way we communicate in partnership could truly be the difference between someone having the life and the health they want—or not—was extremely inspiring to me. And that was the beginning of my coaching path—learning Motivational Interviewing.

Being the catalyst for someone is so rewarding. In a world in which humanity is desperate for changes that make a loving, positive difference, it’s where my strengths can make the most impact. It has transformed the way I communicate, the way I support loved ones, the way I navigate my own inner turmoil, and the way I navigate conflict. As someone who values introspection and the evolution of the soul, as I coach, I am ever growing. My goal as a coach is to help you metamorphosize. But the change is reciprocal. I change and grow a more and more profound experience of humanity and compassion with every session. It gives back as much as I give.

Yes, this is a common question best answered by those who created it:

“MI is a collaborative, goal-oriented style of communication with particular attention to the language of change. It is designed to strengthen personal motivation for and commitment to a specific goal by eliciting and exploring the person’s own reasons for change within an atmosphere of acceptance and compassion.”  (Miller & Rollnick, 2013, p. 29)

Understanding Motivational Interviewing Article (click here)