What to Do When You Feel Powerless
If you are in a situation that’s leaving you feeling powerless, first of all, I’m so sorry. Powerlessness can be a difficult feeling to grapple with and to accept. I’m happy to hold your hand while we take a look at whatever it is you’re going through.
Are you feeling powerless in relation to someone else and their actions? Are you feeling unheard in a relationship that’s important to you? Are you feeling at a loss to effect change or depressed and like “you just can’t?” What is it exactly that is making you feel powerless? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Clearly articulate it, write it down if it’s helpful. Identify it and look it in the eye. And now set it aside for a moment while we chat.
There are so many reasons we may feel like this and they are personal. What I’ve learned, that I hope may be of some use to you, is that we are both powerless and powerful at the same time. Grab your cup of tea real quick while I tell you a story…
I had a friend who passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, and about a year after her passing, I dreamt about her one night when I was in the middle of what I can only call a sort of panicked depression. I had been feeling desperate for change with no clear path or direction. I kept waiting for something to come to me, getting more and more desperate as the days—the months even—passed. After a certain amount of time, I just started to slump into a sadness, a feeling of powerlessness. In my dream, I was walking down a winding, dirt path carved into a steep hillside where there were all these little thatched-roofed huts. My friend popped into a doorway with a cherry sucker in her mouth, wearing a sunhat and a bright smile.
I called to her from my hike and said, “Beth, I’m really in it.”
She took the red lollipop out of her mouth still smiling and said, “You sure are!”
“What do I do??” I asked.
“Whatever you can!” she called back to me. And then I woke up.
I had to chew on that for a long time, because I still didn’t have any clue what would help. But I did start thinking about it initially with the small things. The sadness lingered, which meant I was less inclined to put away the dishes or fold the clothes right away. But I noticed that if I gently disciplined myself to do one thing that would make the situation better, I felt better, I felt clearer. A friend of mine and I call this, “Resetting the Space.” If I’m feeling out of sorts, will I have a better day waking up to a clean, tidy home or waking up to yesterday’s dishes? If that still leaves you uninspired, what could make the task a bit more bearable? Music? Aromatherapy diffuser? Cuddling your pet for five minutes? It can be helpful to focus on an area of your life where you can effect change, however small. What can make the situation .01% better? It’s worth doing that thing! It’s worth it to make the situation any amount better at all! If you can let the small things be big wins when the dark is very dark, that is something to be celebrated and to be proud of. The situation I was in took a long time to come out of, and the real life path was as winding and steep as the path in my dream.
Let the small things be big wins when the dark is very dark…
Sometimes, there may be larger, more impactful things that can be done to create more power for yourself in a situation. Can you take a moment to freely brainstorm, without judgement or criticism, all the things you could do? No matter how ridiculous or seemingly impractical! We can feel so caged by our circumstances that we may lose touch with our ability to think outside the box. You don’t even have to be willing to do any of them, just try them on for size, and see if it can help you free up your thinking a bit.
Where there is powerlessness over a situation or the actions of a loved one, things like that sometimes need an active practice of acceptance. Acceptance can be such a nebulous thing, but we know on the inside when we’re fighting reality and when we’ve truly come to terms with something. What would it look like if you accepted this situation? What would it feel like? What can you do to take care of yourself through it? You have the power to take care of yourself. I believe in your innate resourcefulness. What could make this situation .01% more bearable? Yes, I do mean point-zero-one percent. Point-zero-one percent better is still better than exactly the same.
Sometimes, acceptance is partnered with grief. A child growing up. A loved one’s alcohol abuse or drug addiction. These things have their own engine and timeline, and these people have their own karma, their own path. Is there something you can draw upon for strength? Is there someone you trust and can lean on? Do you need to let yourself cry? Emotions have their own life too, and they’re meant to move through us. Can you spend some time letting however you’re feeling get as big as it wants to get? Can you spend some time watching its bigness dissipate? It will dissipate if it’s given the space, I promise.
Now call to mind the issue you articulated for yourself when you first began to read this article. If you wrote it down, read it over for a moment. See if you can look at it as though you are observing yourself with the problem, one small step removed. I wonder, just for today, if you can accept this situation as it is. I wonder if, just for today, you can believe in your creativity and resourcefulness, and trust that the next step on your path will come to you. In the meantime, in a steady way with mindful intention, can you also do whatever you can?
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